Have I changed much since my last post? Yes. I don't have the time to get into it now; probably. I just read some of the stuff I wrote, and as far as me being in a rut, what the fuck, I feel exactly the same. Things are confusing me a little bit. Maybe I have not changed at all. I will elaborate soon, yes indeed I will.

Update! Wing bang. Not much new. I'm in college, to become an English Teacher. I got an interview for a job at a library. I'm reading Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi.

In my relationship I make a big deal out of a little thing which isn't even really pertinent whatsoever, which I also unconsciously take part in, and it's hurting me and I don't even know why I do it and it's hurting her too and the whole situation forces me to reevaluate what I want and if I didn't want to reevaluate then would I have created the situation in the first place? And the only reason I would want to reevaluate my relationship is that I'm unhappy or uncomfortable or something, and neither of these things are true unless I'm in some dark place where I convince myself that I still have some things that I have to do on my own, and I'm much more motivated when I don't have someone to lean on, and I concentrate more on my poetry and understanding myself and bettering myself when I have no one to tell me that I'm okay. So I guess what I need to do is get off my ass and get a job that makes me happy, and write more, and definitely read more, and to get good grades in school through a variety of institution friendly methods. Which means taking time away from my relationship anyways. Blah blah blah.

I have 410,000 neopoints. I do write poetry, I just feel like I'm in a rut right now. Andrea and I have become better friends, I think. When did I stop double spacing after each sentence?

So I'm a little bit tipsy watching the Superfriends (the last real indie band ever) play at Austin's. It's pretty hot. Hannah's working, and I'm maybe thinking about buying something. The Play Slam was pretty awesome (did you just say awesome?) but I'm not confident at all in my acting prowess. Maybe I'll write something for the next one in five months. So I got my Wii games back! Awesome. I haven't played any of them yet, but I hope to stay up all night doing so. Or a portion of the night. Or maybe not today at all. Well see how it goes. Also, I fucked up the spiraly thingy in my notebook. I hope to doesn't cuase trouble in the future. So I'm going to listen to this band. They're fucking solid.

So my Wii games got found! Great! I wrote some new poetry! Great! I watched Joe versus the Volcano! Awesome (Did you just say awesome?)! I applied at Valencia! Cool! Things with Hannah are going fantastically, and she's great and she helps me through stuff and I like to make her happy! Great! Shae and I bonded, and he wants me to move to Tallahassee with him, and it's probably not going to happen, but it's pretty cool. Stranger Than Fiction is on, so I'm going to go do that and Neopets.

So I went to go see the Electric Six last night. This Canadian band called The Golden Dogs opened for them, and they were really good. And then this Californian band called The Willowz played, and they were okay but not like amazing. And then the Electric Six played, and it was just a really great fucking show. Dick Valentine is hilarious in a depressing way if you think about it too hard. Just the whole performance in general made me realize that I want the latter two of their albums. I probably didn't explain the whole experience too well, but just believe me when I say it was great. Oh yeah, except for all of the bros there. That sucked. There were like hundreds.

Also, I finished a new poem! It's okay. I guess. It's probably the most extroverted one I've ever written, and consequently the less complex in terms of diction. It's a sonnet. Nothing crazy with the rhyme scheme or anything, although I probably could have altered it in a beneficial way if I had taken the time. But I like it. It's about how everyone seems to be obsessed with life's cosmetic truth because it's easier to validate something false and beautiful than something inside of ourselves which we are letting rot and die because we won't acknowledge that it is there and it needs to be awakened and used. Something about potential. So yeah.

Other than that, things with Hannah continue upon an uphill slope. She understands me, I think, she wants me to be happy, she cares about my well being. I can still make the art I want to make when I'm with her. I can't get over how great she is. Really. And I can be myself with her. That's important. I'm not compelled to push away the compelling parts of me just because I'm content.

So I might expand on that later. But I'm going to go shower and then clean out my car in hopes of finding my Wii games. If I don't someone's gonna get their ass kicked. Not really, but that would be beyond satisfying. Not that I'm even physically able to accomplish that. Whatever. Get off my case.

So I'm kind of just chilling out preparing to write something. I'm going to upload some pictures Hannah took of me last night to Threadless, and hopefully free shirts will follow. I saw Max Wednesday night, and Owen, and they were both crazy amazing. I can't wait for their cds. They both really make me want to learn how to play the guitar. I just need to put some time aside and pick it up. Also I need to apply to Valencia. I don't think that's going to happen, actually. At least not this semester. And I can't go to DBCC because they don't have an educational degree. I could just go for English and try to get a job as an Editor or some other like profession. That wouldn't be so bad. And then while I'm doing that I can go to school for teaching, and by then I'll have more of a weathered, experienced look about me.

So Thanksgiving was okay. I went over to Hannah's house and was basically uncomfortable the whole time. And then we went over to my Aunt's house and that was kind of fun. And then we went to my house and tried fruitlessly to watch foreign movies. So we found other things to do and then I drove her home around 3:00am. Overall a good night. But good in a subdued, 'I'm really happy and content with the way my life and this relationship are going' way. Yeah.

In other news, being described in the same adjectives and with less detail than lovers of the past does nothing for helping one trust the veracity of emotion. Whatever.

So I just woke up after a night of quesadilla, music, and makeouts. Also the not-so-melodic background noises provided by "Smokin' Aces." And a single line of poetry on which I hope to expand. So I lost all of my Wii games except for stupid Umbrella Chronicles. And that's cool, I guess. It's just one more place that I've put my money and I haven't been responsible enough to keep it around. It kind of happens a lot. I guess it's better this time though because I already have a hard time trusting those around me when I lose my shit, and now it's only perpetuating unhealthy social behavior instead of spawning, respawning it. So yeah. I have work today at three, and Hannah and I were going to hang out but she hasn't called me yet which means she hasn't woken up yet, and her family's home and she might want to take a shower, so if she called me right now I'd be lucky to see her in an hour, and then we'd be able to hang out for like two. And then tomorrow's Thanksgiving. Great. I won't even get into that. Because families are, you know, stressful. So I haven't lost my new notebook yet, and that's a positive thing. I'm going to try to put a lot of conscious effort into not losing it. And not losing other things. I seem to be a lot of losing lately. I hope that people don't start falling into the tempest.

So it's Monday morning. I should have woken up for Valencia today, but I was under the mistaken impression that someone would come and wake me up, and so I did not wake up at all. Fantastic! So I guess there's always tomorrow. I really have like nothing going on tomorrow anyways except for boredom. I just got a job at Sears Portrait Studio, thanks to my girlfriend, which is cool. It can be stressful in a busy way and stressful in a fun way depending on what time of day it is. And it's in a mall. Cool. Other than that I don't think I've really written anything other than what I alluded to in my last post, which I think actually came out okay. I want to make one with an archaic, western feel, which I didn't manage to accomplish with that one. Also I traded in my PSP, for a bunch of Wii games, and I don't know if it was a good move or a bad one. Video games make it too easy for me to forget the world around me. So anyways. Last night. I had a great time last night. I went down to The Social to see Max Green play, but I missed him, and saw this other not so good band. After that Hannah and I went to Whole Foods and ate pasta on the back of her car while blaring songs like "Refugee," "Heart of Glass," and "She Blinded Me with Science." And after that, Austin's, where everyone had to make fun of the host who is a tool who hasn't shown up for two weeks. Because Sundays are open mic comedy. And then Hannah and I went to her car, listened to music, and kissed and stuff, for like three hours. Great. Today I work from 4pm - 8pm. Hannah works from 11am - 4pm. Great. I predict much fun after 8, though.

Me and Hannah hung out all day and were just together. It was great. Now she's at work though. So I'm at Austin's, trying to write after having lost all of the other crappy poems that I wrote. I'm doing okay, I guess. I just had an eggless egg salad sandwich and a sweet iced coffee with soy milk. And I'm totally ready to write. I hope. I want to go up tonight and read some stuff, but I don't know if I'm going to have anything ready, except for one that I've already read, which was the only one of my lost poems that I have entirely committed to memory. I'm going to try to remember my fovourite ones one at a time until I have them all. So now, back to writing. I love my new, all but empty notebook.

So today I have not much to do, but I still don't want to go out and do it because my car has to be all over the place. I have to go to my bank, and then downtown, and then to Park Ave., and then to Valerye's house, and then back downtown. And the bank and Valerye's house happen to be close to each other on the opposite side of town as downtown. And I can't do those things right after one another because I have to go get the thing and it's for Hannah and Valerye wouldn't support that. As far as my life goes beyond today, I still haven't found my notebook. It's been three or four days, and I've pretty much given up hope. Not really a big deal, though. I hope someone finds it and reads it and thinks it's worth something. So now I have a new notebook, and today I'll pick up some pens, and then I'll be set for a whole new world of the creative process and word writing. Hooray!

I just applied to DBCC online. Awesome.  I guess that's something I should have done six months ago. I didn't mean to put that in italics but I'm going to leave it like that. You know, to remind me of my shortcomings and whatever. I think I lost my composition notebook. I had like 12 poems in it, and I think I can remember maybe three or four in their entirety. That kind of sucks. Not like they were any good. And I let the people who I care about read them already, so whatever. Memory isn't really enough for anybody anymore. We take pictures and record documents and write accounts. And stuff. Because we don't trust ourselves to catch the important things? Because we need to be tracked down and filed away in some nameless folder and broken down into numbers and statistics? Whatever. I don't know what I'm talking about. And this is livejournal anyways, and I don't have any friends, so I guess this won't count for much. I'm pretty bummed out about my notebook. I was in the middle of a sonnet. I want to major in English. How fucking stupid is that?